Time is a healer

"Time is a healer" is that old adage that people often say to you after loss. It sounds quite contrived and when you hear it you think "I will never feel better". You want the other person to just take their little quotes and leave you alone.

But, surprisingly, it is quite true.

The pain doesn't dissipate completely but it lessens. Or perhaps you just get stronger and more able to carry the burden and load along with you.

Grief comes in waves.
At first, there are only bad days. Then you notice a few small bright moments creeping in. You feel guilty when you let a laugh slip out or a smile to spread across your face.
This is your "new you" trying to break free. Like a caterpillar when it tucks itself away in a cocoon just to emerge transformed, stronger and more beautiful than ever before. 

Then you might see that you have had a few good moments that slide into a few good days.
Although you don't realise it at the time, you look back and wonder how you survived and come out the other side in relatively good working order.

I keep a daily journal using Daylio. You can record your overall mood, any tasks you did that day and can embellish it with some notes too. I've gone from having a lot of "awful" days back in August when we lost Jesse to early miscarriage to now having mostly "good" days with the occasional "rad" day thrown in.

Even in my wildest dreams, when you are in the midst of suffering you just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm able to enjoy life again, I feel strong, I am taking part in social events and finding joy in hobbies that I lost interest in only 5 short months ago.

We are in a position now, where we have recuperated and gained enough strength to want to try for a family again. This will be the little brother or sister to Jesse. 

Jesse will always be part of our family.

We are keeping hopeful and I wouldn't change anything for the world. We would still tell family and friends and immediate colleagues like last time. The support was invaluable; without it, I don't think we would have survived.

Fingers crossed and watch this space!