I had been having really bad, action-packed and nail-biting dreams lately.
I was at work and then I had to coordinate a raft race.
On the way to the raft race, there was a brass band march through the town.
There was a strong feeling that I had to go on the run. I don't know what from or why. But I knew I had to escape and evade some hidden enemy.
I found some refugees and they took me in, but first I had to stay in a coal bunker. There were spiders in there and it was dark. I felt trapped and terrified. Eventually, I was let out and was allowed to stay in a safe house.
Within a short time, I was organising people to put together some portable cabins which would become a new office block I think.
I then realised I needed the bathroom and so went to one of these newly put together units. I found out I was bleeding; I was having a miscarriage. All I could say was "not again".
It is a horrible thing to dream about, nevermind to go through in real life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I woke up feeling really shaken and not really knowing what to think.
I really hope that next time things will go better.
Between 15 and 20% of women go through a miscarriage. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a loss. I know at least 2 couples who are currently pregnant and part of your mind now wonders if either of them will be touched by the heartless finger of loss.
How do you go through a pregnancy after loss?
I imagine you will be holding your breath literally until you reach that 'safe' stage of 12 weeks.
You might feel super stressed until you see your baby on that screen when you have an ultrasound scan and get to hear that flutter of your baby's heartbeat. That is a really good sign and can show your baby is strong and things will most likely work out really well.
But maybe you will analyse every little twinge under a microscope and look at your symptoms each day and wonder if they are worsening or lessening and query what that means.
I found some "permissions" on Pinterest that might be of some help to face pregnancy after loss.
http://drnoellemccown.com/2017/03/10-permissions-for-pregnancy-after-loss/
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