Somehow, I've still managed to meditate today, 3 times! It just seems to really balance me and make me a little more level-headed. Caz was saying how I seem to be a bit more rational now and will take a step back from situations that previously wound me up, look at the options and then move forward. At least it is affecting me in positive ways.
I also managed to hit my step goal with my Garmin. I feel a lot better for keeping physically active during this pregnancy, even if it is only walking as the weather has been so hot. Last time, I had already begun to suffer from a bad back but so far (touches wood) I haven't even had a niggle yet apart from when I stand for long periods of time.
I can't remember if I said, but last week I received a text reminder about an upcoming appointment on the 15th of June. I didn't know a thing about this appointment. So I thought I would wait and see if an appointment letter would turn up after the weekend. Well, today, I finally had an appointment letter and it is for a cardiology appointment.
I feel really quite nervous about it. This appointment was booked by the obstetrician when I was last there on Wednesday. Seeming I have been squeezed in a week and a half later, it makes you think that there must be something to worry about...
He managed to roll or sit in something so I dunked his rear in the sink and washed his tail! He hated it and walked around with his tail really low not quite knowing what to do with himself until it dried properly. The weather is really warm though so it only took about half an hour to dry - I did pat it dry too with a towel!
Serves him right for getting smelly!
12th June
At work, we were on our best behaviour as there were representatives to one of our biggest client's visiting today. I dressed smart, made sure the pod of desks I work on was free of excess boxes and clutter and made sure to be polite. I wasn't sure if I would need to demonstrate anything in particular, if at all. But it turns out I wasn't needed in the end, or at least I hope I wasn't. I went on my lunchtime at midday as per my usual routine!
Caz is covering the IT support team in Traswfynnydd this week. So I suggested he take his bike with him as there are multiple trails and good spots to cycle in that area. He went for a ride after work in the end. I believe it was the first cycle he has done this year. He so enjoys it so I don't know why he doesn't do this more often. Maybe he could start to go for the weekly shop on a Thursday perhaps and spend his Friday afternoon cycling as he finishes at 13:30.
As I knew Caz might be home late with cycling, I got him to text me when he was leaving and I put on some dinner. Nothing fancy or gourmet. I put on sweet potato fries, breaded fish fillet and sweetcorn with a cheese sauce. Nice and easy but also plenty of protein for replenishing tired bodies!
Tomorrow is my last mindfulness class. I will soon graduate from the 8-week training course! For the last session, we have to take something to show-and-tell that represents a bit of our personality. I took a finished cross-stitch design. I found cross-stitch sometime after my kidney transplant. It is great for mental health problems, in my opinion, as with busy hands your mind is unable to be busy too. I also find it ideal for helping the mild shakes I get in my hands from my medications.
I don't quite know if this is what they are expecting, but it was the first thing that came to mind so I thought I should go with my gut instinct.
The cross-stitch was complete but just needed a little tidying up. I hadn't put it in a frame or cut the excess material off. I had seen online another girl hot glue the excess material to the back of the frame so it is neat and sits perfectly against a wall when you hang it. I'm really quite happy with the result!
13th June
I am poorly sick. 😞 I've woken up with a stomach bug.
I can't believe this has happened with my last mindfulness session coming up tonight. I will see how I go. Unless I'm dying, there is no way I will miss tonight's session.
Walter is looking after me well!
I didn't go to work and kicked my self-care into gear.
I watched Netflix a lot of the day, had a bath, did a meditation session to help me deal with the stomach pains, drank plenty and made sure to keep eating little and often.
I'm making sure I go to the mindfulness session tonight. I really wouldn't want to miss it.
We started with the body scan. It is how we started the very first mindfulness class too! End how you started.
I definitely get more out of the meditations now and feel much more accepting and aware of my body sensations, my thoughts and feelings.
During the show and tell, people had either completely forgotten to bring anything to show or it was things like photographs or a necklace. One guy brought in some of his craft from his career as a carpenter. Another girl brought in joss sticks as she likes to set the scene and atmosphere before she starts to meditate.
People did seem to like the idea of my cross-stitch and why I use it as a therapy. I felt quite pleased!
Well, that is the end of a long journey. It was difficult but worthwhile. I'd highly recommend doing a mindfulness session or course if you ever get the chance.
We have the option to meet up once a month, in the same venue, now to keep our hand in.
One of the lads set up a Facebook Group for us to keep in touch and if we spot meditation events locally then we will share and try and encourage and motivate each other to keep on with our new habit.
14th June
I'm back in work today.
I'm so tired and my concentration levels are a bit slack... It hasn't been a productive day.
I have made up a bit of time in the last couple of weeks, so I left early. That was definitely needed!
I watched a couple episodes on Netflix before Caz got home and managed to squeeze in a meditation session too somehow.
15th June
Today is the day of my cardiology appointment. I'm starting to get really quite nervous.
I went to work first thing and left to get to the hospital. Typically, I had to park in the overflow car park which is literally the furthest point away from the hospital. I met Caz in the carpark and we walked up together.
We booked in at reception and were pointed towards the correct clinic. They were running about an hour late.
I was weighed and had my blood pressure checked. Then the consultant came through and said once the nurses reappeared, he would get them to book me in for an ECG.
I was given a slip for an ECG and was walked down to where it was. You take a number and wait your turn. I was literally second in line and was called pretty quickly.
You have to take your top layers off and lie on the treatment bed. They then place several sticky pads on various points and clip the wires in. They print off the trace of your heart and hand it to you to take back to the nurses in the clinic.
Pretty quickly we were then called through to see the consultant. He was very chilled. We had seen him once before when Caz had been having issues a little while ago. I believe I was pregnant then too. Like some sort of horrible deja vu.
But the consultant was happy. He wants me to have an echocardiogram just to make sure all is definitely okay. He said if the results weren't good, he'd see me soon, otherwise, he would see me again in about 3 months time and once again after I'd given birth to make sure there were no lasting problems.
"Don't worry, enjoy your life, eat healthily, drink plenty of water and you'll be fine." You can't hope to hear better than that!
Because I'm feeling a little more positive, I have started to look online at gender reveal partyware. We have sent invites out to immediate family for the 30th of June. That is the nearest weekend after our scan. That is in the hopes that the scan goes well and we have a healthy and alive baby as well as the sonographer being able to tell the sex! If they can't tell then we will have to reschedule... But it is exciting times, fingers crossed!
16th June
We had a really nice and relaxed morning. It was so nice!
I made Caz open up one of his Father's day presents from Baby Moomin and Jesse - the things you do - as I thought that with him working tomorrow then it would give him a chance to enjoy his presents.
The present was loose leaf decaffeinated tea, a colour change mug of Rick and Morty as well as Rick the Pickle...!
We dug out the teapot and tea leaf strainer and made a proper pot of tea. Very tasty!
I saw a rainbow on the wall. Not sure what it was from...!
Afterwards, we headed out to The Range to buy party supplies. From everything I'd seen online, this was the cheapest place to get supplies. Maybe we didn't have as much selection and you had to make a few things to fit in with the scheme, but we could cobble something really pretty together.
This cat toy made me laugh with how excited the little kitten was!
For lunch, we went to Dunelm but the fridges were almost empty in the Pausa cafe.
So we drove back to Menai Bridge. We looked in the cafes as we drove by to make sure there were tables available and then paid for parking before strolling back in. We have said many times before that we really wanted to go to Hydeout. It is a BBQ and smokehouse. The menu in the door sounded really nice with a lot of lunch options, so we popped in. As it was now two-ish, they were able to easily find us a table. We looked through the lunch menu and then peeked at the dinner menu. We only wanted sandwiches really but once we had seen the main menu, we felt starving and really wanted a proper meal. It meant we could have something light in the evening then!
My review for the restaurant was:
We popped in here today for a late lunch and we were very impressed!
We've lived in the area for almost 3 years and I wish we'd visited sooner!
The menu on the for enticed us in. We were going to have some lunch options to keep it lighter.
The decor was really authentic and all the vintage signage and lighting made it your surroundings very interesting.
We sneaked a glimpse at the main menu... We were sucked in by all the mouthwatering items on the menu. I had Bubba's BBQ shrimp and my husband choose the low n slow beef brisket. Super tasty!
We were pleased with the waiting staff. They greeted us weekly, seated us quickly, brought us menus and took our orders promptly. I also liked that they didn't bother us while we were eating. I hate that, usually mid-mouthful. Overall, I'd highly recommend here for lunch. I imagine you'd be recommended to book for an evening but it'd be well worth it.
We'll visit again soon!
17th June
Well, today is Father's day.
I know how much I struggled for Mother's day but thankfully the glimmer of hope with being pregnant again made it survivable. I think it was much the same for Caz.
Caz opened his Father's day card and his remaining present. The present was a Tshirt saying "Papa Bear". The card I got from Funky Pigeon and it was titled "to the Daddy of the bump" and I personalised the card by putting a picture of the scan on the front.
As it is a difficult day, it was almost a blessing in disguise that Caz had to work overtime today. Only 5 hours but at least it kept him busy and stopped him dwelling on any bad thoughts.
Here are some posts I found on Facebook that remind us to think of the Dad's during miscarriage too. They made the baby, wanted the baby and loved the baby before it was snatched away. Caz reflected that he wouldn't be able to take the baby to the shed and just potter with them watching the world go by and wouldn't be able to show them things he enjoys and loves. There are times he is still quite emotional about it all and we shed a tear and hug each other until it feels bearable.
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