Never-ending Nightmares

Rest is good for you they say. Sleep is a good healer.
Yes, but there is also no escape. You think you can just slip into easy sleep to give your body a chance to recover, but what you don't realise is that all your fears and worries become monsters of your dreams.

I really struggle to get to sleep.
I end up lying there feeling awake and unable to fall into restful sleep. Lying there, I stare at the dark ceiling that my eyes can't really make out.
When it is quiet and everyone else is asleep is my worst time. It is just you and your thoughts.

When I do sleep, it is fitful and uneasy. I end up waking in a cold sweat feeling really uncomfortable and unhappy.

I dream that my loved ones are divorcing me or refusing to talk to me. Maybe this is because I worry that I'm being a burden to everyone.

I dream that my loved ones are dying. Could this be from the fear that you have lost one person really dear to you and you worry that everyone else you love will go too?

Why is the one thing I need in this rebuilding of myself so far out of my reach? I feel weary and drained.
My GP said that I shouldn't fight the urge to nap. If I am tired I should sleep. But I worry then that having a snooze during the day will take away whatever sleep I could need in the night.
Maybe my body is tired. Maybe it is my mind that keeps me awake.

I find music is my solace at the moment.
I put on a song and am taken away to another place. Even the relentless beats and energy from Electro-House lulls me to sleep. It stops my thoughts and ceases my worries. I don't know if it is the simple act of focusing on something else that helps, but music really soothes the soul.
Whether you want an upbeat song to cheer you up or a soulful song to cry to you will find what you need.
Even just lying there, listening to music feels like it is renewing my energy.

It is getting a little easier. The rest is coming more freely, the sleep a little easier and the escape isn't as necessary.
It takes time, maybe a lifetime, but you do learn little by little to carry this with you and not to let it break you.