Week 22

9th July

My nosebleeds are starting to take the mick now, to be honest.
I had 4 on Thursday during the day but then I had none on Friday. Today, I had one the moment I woke up and another while I was sat at my desk in work minding my own business.

I visited the hospital today for my appointment with the anaesthetist.
As per usual, I parked in the furthest overflow carpark! It was a nice little walk in with the sunshine! There was a short wait to see Gareth the anaesthetist.
I had been feeling quite overwhelmed with knowing I would be seeing him. Was it that a caesarian was inevitable?

He had been through my notes and wanted to double check he had summarised all the details enough. To be fair, he had covered everything and not missed anything out. Wilms tumour in '88, right nephrectomy, chemotherapy, secondaries found, chemo and radiotherapy, renal Ricketts resolved by surgically straightening my legs, dilated cardiomyopathy, kidney failure, kidney transplant 7 years ago and dilation of my oesophagus as and when the stricture starts to cause problems with eating. Yep, everything covered. That's enough anyway!

Then he asked about my medications and asked a nurse to print off my latest blood test results from a week ago. She also did my blood pressure and he listened to my heart and chest and studied the ECG I recently had. Ideally, he would have liked to have seen the echocardiogram of my heart too, but he will look out for the results of that as and when it happens.

I was still a little confused as to why I was there, but then he started to tell me more.

With my anaemia, yes it is better than it was but it is still low. If I lose blood during labour I will most likely need a blood transfusion and a potential stay in intensive care.

With my kidney, he advised I remind midwives I've got a transplanted kidney in my groin and so I won't be able to be in positions where I scrunch my legs up against my chest for example. We don't want to crush it!

With my heart, it could be under a lot of pressure with the stress and strain of labour. He suggests getting an epidural early during labour. I'm hoping this enables me to remain active. He did say of course at the end of the day the choice is mine, but for heart failure patients, he tends to advise this route to take.
Then if things need to be advanced quickly and taken down the emergency route, the epidural can be topped up with 5 x stronger medications, and they can easily perform the caesarian.

He, of course, has to tell me the risks. But it doesn't mean that is what will happen. It could all go smoothly. I could end up having a minimal drug birth, perhaps just gas and air. I might decide I can't handle the pain and go for the full caboodle. You don't know until the time comes.
Plus, I feel there is no guarantee that the baby will be early like everyone is predicting. She might want to overstay her welcome and arrive after my actual due date.
That is what I'm hoping. That she comes in the normal window of between 37 and 42 weeks!
There is no need to hurry!

Going to work was completely pointless. There have been network problems on and off for the past week but today we were unable to do ANYTHING. I could check and send emails, Lync (IM) was up and down, we couldn't access the file drives at all.

I had a midwife appointment today. It wasn't Wendy as usual but someone different.
I didn't bother to bring up various topics like is my discharge normal and can we sort a birth plan. I want to do that with Wendy whom I like and trust.
The discharge has become a lot less, it isn't concerning me as much now.
So all we did was check my urine sample, do my blood pressure and listen to the baby.
I also asked her for the MAT B1 form, which is now long overdue. Typically, you get this at 20 weeks. But I'm now 22 weeks 3 days. I'll take it to work tomorrow for HR to put on file.

For today's hypnobirthing session we listened to breathing and bonding. It was quite relaxing and soothing and it led you through and up to the moment you give birth. Then it carried on and said how the baby would soon take her first breath and would be independent of you. That was a little sad in a way. "No! Not yet!" You expect them to become independent when they leave home in their twenties, not on day dot! But I guess that is a fact. Until that moment, I am the one supplying her with oxygen, nutrients, air, blood, water, everything she needs. But once she is born that is up to her to sort! I will feed her, clean her and take care of her but it will be her little heart pumping blood around and her small lungs sucking in air to get oxygen for her systems.

Caz and I did try and sit side by side in today's hypnobirthing session but then Walter had other ideas and threw himself down on my lap! So I had to cuddle and cradle him during the track!

10th July

Network problems still at work... It is getting boring now. We just want to go home. There is only so much housekeeping or other tasks to do before you run out of work... They initially claimed it was Global IT's problem but now they say they are in touch with Microsoft to fix the issue... Needle in a haystack springs to mind.

Baby brain has well and truly set in.
Today I said to Caz that I needed to put some washing on if I was to have any clean new sized bras to wear.
I gathered dirty clothes, took his belt out of the shorts, emptied pockets, put the delicate items in a zipped laundry bag, put everything in the washer, set it to mixed materials, delayed the wash for 8 hours so it didn't have a chance to start to get stagnant before I got home from work and set it to go. Then Caz came through after checking Walter's water bowl and said: "Didn't you mean to put the bras in the machine?". I had left the laundry bag on a chair. That was the whole reason I was putting the stupid machine on!
He managed to cancel the programme, put the bras in and then set it all to go again.
I might just give up soon and vegetate in some corner...!

We are well and truly out of food supplies now. We had half planned to go grocery shopping on the weekend but then I said to Caz wouldn't it be better for us both to order it online again and keep doing that until his muscles are healed and he can do heavy work again. So we put it off over the weekend and ordered the groceries yesterday. They arrive tonight between 6pm and 10pm. The delivery was cheap at only being £1 but it does have the downside that I might well have fallen asleep long before the driver arrives!

Remember weeks and weeks ago, while I was still on sick leave, I started to do an online antenatal course - AMP - well today I completed the final class. I just need to download and save some of the additional ready PDFs and get Caz to complete the 10th class - the one for partners.
It has been really informative but not too heavy. It was lighthearted and fun in places but had the right tone to make you trust their facts and want to take in their advice.
I highly recommend completing the course. There are tonnes of advice from during pregnancy and into the early weeks of your baby's life.
During the course, I was also offered a free hypnobirthing track which started me on that path and also a free online emergency first aid for babies theory course. Both of these should have cost me money but with a discount code, they must have saved me £80-£100 in total. Thank you so much!

I bumped my baby today! I didn't mean to - I went to hug Caz and my belly is now much bigger than I expected and I pretty much bounced him off me!
He apologised to our baby and said Daddy will look after her and Mummy has no spacial awareness now!
From now on, we have agreed that he will nestle into me from behind...! No more bumping my belly!

I laid out the fabric squares while trying to decide on a design.

It is more difficult than it looks! Some designs just don't look right. I tried to do quads of 4, I tried rows going 1, 2, 3 and 4. Nothing seems to quite look right. One girl I know suggested trying to add some coordinating chevron fabric in. It just so happens that I have a fat quarter pack of chevron patterns!
I might have a play around on a spreadsheet, but to know for sure you have to lay it out to truly know if it feels right...

11th July

The eBay debacle is rumbling on.
The seller, Blue Tiger Trading, contacted me and said they would arrange a refund.
"Sorry to hear of your problems.
Let's start the process and get this item back to us.
Please could you open a return case. We can upload a pre-paid return label so as you will not incurr postage charges in sending this item back to us.
Once received we can forward a refund."

But once I raised the refund case, which removed the negative feedback I left, they then changed their tune. They got eBay themselves involved and as we opened the items we received.
"We're sorry you had a problem with your purchase. However, to return an item, it needs to be in the same condition that you received it.
After reviewing all the details of this request, we determined that you won't receive a refund."

That made me see red. You trust and believe that they send the right items, especially when it is something intended to not give the game away. As the buyer, you are unable to tell if it is pink, blue or multicoloured... The quality of service from this seller was appalling. They've let themselves and their customers down.
I sent the following angry message.
"Please, may I ask, how we were to know this item was incorrect before opening it? 
At the time we received them, my husband asked how do they know what item to select from storage to send out if it doesn't say on it "its a girl", I said I wasn't sure but perhaps it was external packaging as you wouldn't want anything to give it away on the confetti shooter. 
This was to celebrate our long anticipated baby following fertility problems and miscarriage. 
In hindsight, I'm relieved the items arrived late so that they didn't ruin our baby shower party. That would have been awful. We'd have been so disappointed and our guests so confused. 
As it was, I spent a rushed morning baking a 'reveal' cake, while heavily pregnant, in place of the confetti shooters which didn't turn up. 
We did a photoshoot with a confetti canon each once they arrived. The documentation of our uncertainty, confusion, disappointment and heartbreak at seeing the wrong colour tissue paper was a sad sight to see. 
I'm far from happy with the outcome of this, not just not receiving a refund but the whole principle of this, and will most certainly share my experience with friends, family and acquaintances. It's not like we bought a pen or something insignificant. We bought items for a celebration event and them being both late and incorrect is just not on. We only purchased from yourselves as it said delivery would be in time."

I get a feeling that they won't reply again to me.
I've sent the following formal message this morning.
"In follow up to my disappointed message yesterday, I expect a full refund and an admission of fault. I want your processes to have a greater quality control aspect implemented to this to ensure future disappointments aren't experienced. I see I'm not the only one experiencing a serious lack of your usual standards by looking at your recent feedback.
Delivery was incredibly late, the items were incorrect and as I stated yesterday in my message, how were we to know the items were wrong when the whole thing about confetti shooters is that it is a surprise to onlookers. We feel we were missold these confetti shooters and yet it has been flipped to being our fault because we have now opened them and we get penalised? That is poor behaviour. It's not about the money but the principles of this whole transaction."

I mentioned negative feedback from others. Well, I notice mine has been removed. I don't know if it is because I began the refund process so now it looks like I don't even have the misfortune of owning these tubes of disappointment. It looks like I never even purchased them. Conning thieves. I bet that was a ploy to go through the motions of a refund but with no intention, at any point, to follow through.

Flocked Effect Rabbit Animal Garden Ornament Patio Ornaments Indoor Outdoor:
⊘ Seller will not respond.. didn't receive my item.. thieves
Novelty Emoji Face Pencils & Erasers Children Football Party Loot Bag Fillers:
⊘ Item not received!! Messaged seller, waited another week, again nothing!!!
20cm It's A Girl Confetti Shooter Party Poppers Compressed Air Cannon Six 6x:
⊘ Devastated, ordered 7 box’s of its a girl for them not to arrive on time!
White Plastic Paper Heart Fan Wedding Hand Held Folding Fans Party Bag Cool:
⊘ This item never arrived

I really feel for the other individual that ordered the same items as me. It isn't just that this seller has stolen money from us or an item isn't as is said, but it ruined an event. They are lower than low.

How many people does this seller have a disappoint until something is done about it?
How do people get away with behaving in this way?

Caz had a long tiring day at work and it had kicked off the pain in his groin again. So I cooked a fish pie and we just chilled watching TV most of the evening! We watched Mr Selfridge on Netflix again. We only have around 5 episodes left in total! He is quite a mess of a bloke at the moment... Then we watched the very end of the England v Croatia match. I think we caught it just as the main injury time was ending and they were going into extra time. Bad luck boys! They did well to get there they did though. Well played and well done to Gareth Southgate for leading them so well.

12th July

The network at work is still down. I am so bored with this! It is either super slow and pretty unworkable or off and totally unusable!

I had a quick chat with HR and I have declared I wish to start my maternity leave 4 weeks before my due date. This is using the scenario that everything goes well and there are no issues.
If I'm induced early, obviously my maternity leave will kick in and any annual leave I have been unable to use will be carried over to next year.

I've been working out how to best use my 22.5 days of annual leave - I somehow ended up with 30 days of leave this year?! Not sure how that happened but I'm not complaining.

I am planning on taking alternative Wednesdays off to cover the majority of my hospital appointments and then alternative Fridays to just chill or prepare the house for our baby.
I continue doing this until the 19th of September when that will be my last morning at work. I'm hoping to maybe go out for lunch with some people from work and then that is it! I will be on annual leave until my maternity leave starts on the 8th of October. I'm so excited!
I didn't realise last week was my last full week at work! I could have celebrated it!

In the afternoon, maybe with being unable to do ANY of my actual work apart from 'e-learning' courses I felt drained. I have worked two lunches this week and so I do have an hour to use up so I thought sod it, I left at 3pm. What's the point in staying if I can't do anything!
When I got home I felt shattered. I literally dropped my bags where I was standing one I walked through the door and went straight up to bed and had an hour-long nap. That helped me feel so much better.

Once Caz was home we mainly chilled and watched TV. A nice relaxing evening.

13th July

Today, I am heading out to Cheshire Oaks with my Mum.
I suspect it will be a long tiring day but it should be productive!

Ikea is also delivering a shipment to our house while I'm out shopping. Caz is actually home today so he will sign for it. It is all stuff for our baby, mostly nursery furniture.

I picked my Mum up from home - 26 miles, 36 minutes away.
My Dad was being left in charge of Holly and Amber their chocolate and golden labradors. He would be attempting to walk them, perhaps down the beach, but with a broken wrist  (still healing!) he might struggle a little. I felt bad that I had suggested 09:30 as the pickup time! If I had suggested later, maybe my Mum could have helped with that task. But I felt that Cheshire Oaks is likely to get busy so I wanted to be there promptly.

The journey to Cheshire Oaks wasn't too bad. I had borrowed Caz's car so I had the sat nav but to be fair, it was a really easy journey to navigate. There were quite a few tractors on the road. The thing that gets me with road users, is they don't notice things until they are literally right on them. So, it ended with people pulling out last second from behind a tractor they have only just noticed, causing me to have to break violently. You really have to keep on your toes with other road users...
It was 47.5 miles, 56-ish minutes away from my parents' house.

All the parking is pretty handy to the shops, with them going in a big courtyard style ring around the carpark. Wherever you park you are near to some shops. We parked in zone A and started looking at a few places. There was a lot of building work going on, so perhaps in 6-months or a year's time, it might be even fancier.
Literally, as I was parking, the Ikea driver phoned but my mobile was in the back of the car so I could only get to it once I'd stopped and got out. He left a voicemail "We are at the property and there is no note so we have to go. Please phone customer services to rearrange". Literally raging.
I phoned Caz asking if he'd gone out but he was there and he had been watching the van's progress on the delivery tracker. He popped outside as soon as the van pulled up outside and then went out. The driver said they had phoned me to try and get directions and then spotted Caz. So panic over!

As Cheshire Oaks is a designer outlet, all the shops have huge discounts You can expect around 30-80% off the RRP. You really feel like you are getting a bargain!
A lot of the shops are a bit out of my comfort zone - Burberry, Ted Baker and other places that I perhaps feel a bit too common and scruffy to enter!
We did find a fair few nice places to go - Next, Vans, M&S, Cath Kidston, Paperchase and the Build-a-Bear factory!

We stopped at Costa after an hour or so as by then my pregnant body desperately needed a wee! We had breakfast muffins and coffee.
Caz messaged me. They depot packed half of the wardrobe for our baby girl. 1 box out of 2. Nightmare! He contacted customer services and they will deliver the second box next Saturday. Apparently, I should be receiving a £30 voucher to compensate! Bonus!

Between us, we bought quite a number of baby outfits and I bought myself a pack of 2 bras and a beautiful pair of Vans for £16. £16! I wasn't even intending on buying any shoes, it was only a few months ago I did a big sort out. But at that price, it would be rude not to!

As I mentioned, we also went along to the build-a-bear factory!

We looked on the wall where items were quite reduced and found this Tiger. I thought it might be a lovely thing for our little girl to have to represent Walter!

We had a little wait, maybe 20 minutes but it sounds like nothing compared to the MASSIVE queues yesterday for the 'pay your age' promotion there!

The girl who served us was lovely. She was quite chatty and asking where we were from and what we were doing after we'd finished there.
She suggested we add a noise to the bear/cat and picked out a roar, but I thought maybe a softer meow might be a bit more appropriate seeming Walter pretty much squeaks or is silent when he meows. He saves his loud meows for when he is in the garden or is squaring up to one of the neighbour's cats!

There are options to put a scent in there! They look like the jellybean car air fresheners! There were options from strawberries, mix berries and even pizza?! We decided against the scent. It seems a bit of a novelty that will just wear off!

We bought the cat a little dressing gown, I felt it might encourage our baby to go to bed and set up a sleep routine. Look, kitty is getting ready for bed, why don't you copy him?! It is all a ploy clearly...!

The stuffing process is bizarre! The filling is constantly being turned in like a giant popcorn or slushie machine and then there are big metal pipes the size of exhausts that they shove into the carcass (I can't think of a better word!) of the cat through loose stitching in the back.
Then once he was adequately stuffed and plump (he also felt warm) you pop in a little fabric heart and she does up the stitching like you would tighten a corset.

At the tills, you can buy a box or bag to carry him home in and there is even an option to scan the bear's shopping tag to name him and give him a birth and ownership certificate.
It doesn't really feel right to name him ourselves and anyway, I didn't have any inspirations when in the store, plus the ownership isn't set in stone. We have a shortlist of names but we are waiting until we see our baby girl before we name her. I do have a strong feeling it might be one name in particular, but I want to hold off as it might not suit her in the slightest!

We had lunch at Pizza Express. It was glorious! I've only ever had the 'takeaway' pizza express meals from Tesco before and they were amazing, so I knew it would be well worth it.
The waiting staff were lovely! We were seen to our table by a really happy girl and she took our drinks order shortly after. We both went for strawberry lemonade. I was tempted by the watermelon cooler but thought the strawberry sounded nicer.
We ordered starters of mozzarella and tomato salad and calamari (what must be my favourite thing). The calamari was more breadcrumbed and then fried rather than battered. It came with some sour cream style dip and was all very tasty. The calamari wasn't the freshest or most tender I've had but I guess I am spoilt living by the sea and having so many high standard fish restaurants nearby. It was a little chewy but still yummy.
For the main, we shared a Fiorentina pizza - topped with cheese, spinach and a poached egg. We went for the classic base and it was perfect. Not too think and biscuit like and not so thin it had become a pancake. Just perfect!
Some of the puddings looked tempting but I think that was enough for lunchtime!

The journey back was busy. There were long queues to go back down to the A55 and the road was quite slow. But we were back by 16:20 so not too bad going.

Once I was home, I felt really done. My lower back, hips and legs all ached. As soon as dinner was done, I ran a bath and Caz joined me. It definitely helped a lot.
We just chilled watching TV in the evening and I realised I would have another batch of laundry to do now we have more baby outfits! Always a downside somewhere...!

14th July

Caz really isn't doing too well. He is struggling with the pain from his groin. We had hoped to go out to Fron Goch, a garden centre near Caernarfon, as we have a 2 for 1 voucher for afternoon tea! But maybe we can try again tomorrow.

I did a thing! I put together a shelving unit in the shape of a doll's house! I did it all on my own, even if Caz kept piping up wanting to advise me and tell me how to do things. If I need help, I'll ask. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm incapable.
It looks perfect!

Caz mostly watched Goodwood Festival of Speed for a lot of the day. There were lots of live streams of it. It might be interesting to go one day. There must be lots of other things going on in addition to the hill climb events. But watching just constant hill climbs wears a bit thin quite quickly.

I did a big batch of washing - I did all the baby's towels and bedding! That was a load in itself not including the new baby clothes. Those will be washed on Monday.

15th July

Caz is still struggling. There is no point going to afternoon tea if you can't enjoy it.
The voucher runs until the end of August so we do have plenty of time to use it yet. Disappointing but it can't be helped.

We decided to go through the Ikea packs of furniture (cot, changing table/drawers) to get started on building something. I feel on a roll so don't want to break that flow!
In shuffling a few of the boxes around, Caz managed to set off his groin pain. I wish he understood his limits and realise that it is a lot less than if he was fit and healthy. The box was 19kg. Of course, that is going to be difficult to move, even just shuffling and sliding it along.
One of the main pieces in the changing table/drawers unit was damaged. The wood is split, clearly from the box receiving a knock.
Frustrating.

I unpacked the cot, literally 5 big pieces and had a think about how to deal with it. Individually, all the parts I feel are manageable for me to move and handle. Once you start screwing things together, then that might become too much with trying to balance everything and do up another panel.
I don't think I can manage it.
The options now are either to wait for Caz's step-dad to return from his fortnight holiday in France or to hire some handyman to put it together for us.
I can't do it because I'm pregnant and in an ideal world shouldn't be lifting at all, Caz can't do it with his groin, my Dad can't do it because of his wrist. We are a right trio of disabled rejects!