Busy hands keep busy minds

One of the ways I have been trying to 'cope' is by doing chores and thinking about craft projects.
I have previously found that keeping my hands busy kept my mind busy.
If my mind is busy I will be unable to dwell on everything that is swirling around in my head.

I have been struggling to sleep and have found myself waking up in the middle of the night feeling overwhelmed by everything and just overcome with tears. When it is quiet I find I am hit by my emotions the most. Late at night or early in the morning, I am at my worst.

It is like you remember you aren't pregnant any more. It could be that you would love to be pregnant again but feel conflicted due to not wanting to replace the baby you lost or feeling incredibly nervous about if all this will happen again and you are destined not to have a child. Perhaps it is that you are uncertain your menstrual cycle will begin again and when it does will you be relieved that your body is getting back to normal (even if your mind is taking a lot longer to find normality) or terrified as it reminds you of losing your baby. There is also that niggling worry that time is marching on and it took well over a year to get pregnant in the first instance.

Somehow, despite never meeting my baby, I desperately miss Jesse. Not having a chance to trace the features of their face, put my finger in their hand to grip on to me, touch their toes as they curl up, hear the happy gurgles and giggles, heck even bawling their eyes out for some attention I miss.
It is so weird to lose something you actually never had. But the feeling of grief and loss is just the same.

First, I wiped everything down in the spare room.
I realised there was still plaster dust in there from when the room was decorated.
The windowsills, skirting boards, door frame, dressing table, bed, bookcase and bedside cabinet all were wiped with disinfectant to make sure it was all spick and span.

Everywhere was aired too. Bring in the fresh scents from the beautiful countryside.

I realised that the windows were quite misted up and could do with a good shine.

This house has been like a laundrette. Sets of bedding and several sets of towels have been washed, folded and put away in the ottoman.

I also spent a good few minutes podding some peas (unfortunately bought from the supermarket). It was quite a relaxing and rewarding task!

So often, my little office seems to be the dumping ground for everything that has been left on the dining table.

Well, I decided to do a micro-task. I set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes and saw what I could achieve in the time.

A fair bit as it turns out. Looking a lot neater and it is inspiring me to give my sewing machine a try (bought several years ago but never used) and to try and do some craft which I always put off as I am 'busy'.

I have a few projects I would like to try from continuing with my cross-stitch, learning to knit, perhaps giving crocheting a go, using my sewing machine, making greetings cards and possibly even attempting some jewellery making.

I will have to see what I try out in the coming weeks as I regain my strength and mental composure.